Resilience

The last couple of weeks have been a bit hard and I find myself in a bit of a slump, wondering where my resilience has gone.

I appreciate what Joyce Meyer says, that my problem is probably not really my problem, but my attitude towards my problem.  So, what is my problem?  I usually find some satisfaction from my job, but lately, it has been hard for different reasons.  

What would I like to develop - what is my dream career?  My singing, my writing or my photography or perhaps a bit of everything?

I can relate with the comment I posted on my facebook wall recently that Susan Boyle wrote in her prologue of her book the night of her audition on XFactor, "I could hear a few titters in the audience. I was aware that I was being laughed at, but I’ve been ridiculed a lot in my life so I’ve learned how to be resilient. Instead of being hurt and saying, right, I’m coming off, I thought I’d show them what I could do." because I struggled as a little kid with being teased and made fun of.  I never fit the mould.  But then, what is the mould?

So, to protect myself, I created a vacuum where I stayed and built up walls around me so that others could not get in and hurt me.  But that was not a healthy existence either.

I am so thankful for my faith in God because I know that He sustains me in the midst of tough times.  And really, I am not going through 'tough times' per se, just a rough patch I guess and I know that this, too, shall pass; besides, there are so many others that have it a lot tougher.

I know that some of what I have been feeling is related to homesickness.  Yeah, sometimes it comes in small waves and I can usually get through it without any major drama, but with a friend from work having lost her Dad recently rather suddenly, it reminds me how much I love and miss my family.  It is a hard pill to swallow sometimes because I know that I made my bed here in Australia which I love because Peter is the man God chose for me, I have no doubt of that.  In fact, just this morning, I was reminded of something a friend told me, "Guys see you and they head for the hills because you are a bit needy." lol  Yeah, I guess I am, but we all are in some ways.  And God knew that Peter was up for the challenge!

We are all broken pots as Joyce Meyer reminds us in her teachings; but it is when our pots are broken, that the light from within can shine through the cracks.  If the pot was solid, nothing would shine through.

I also read something this week that reminded me that feeling a bit down sometimes is not a bad thing; it allows us sometimes to put things into perspective, but yeah, I fall into that trap where I feel I am not supposed to have a bad day because I let people down and I do not measure up to others.  Oh dear, there I go again.  I do not need to measure up to anyone else, but be the unique individual God created me to be.  I am so thankful for my friends and family and husband that love all of me - the good, the bad and the ugly.

Resilience....hhhmmm....  I believe that I am more resilient than I give myself credit for; afterall, I shifted my whole life almost 10 years ago to pretty much start a new life for myself with a new husband and a new step-daughter.  I forget that sometimes and just need to remind myself that it is okay to have a rough patch every once in a while.  I desire to be that up beat, perky person that always has something incredibly positive and motivational to post on facebook, but alas, I am human...lol

I often wished growing up that I had been born in the "Little House On The Prairie" days because life would have been so much simpler I think.  Ah, but it would not have been without its challenges either.  God knew the generation that He would bring into the world and for that I am thankful.  A perfect example is my ability to type out my thoughts down on the page as quickly as my typing will allow me - at a speed of approximately 64 words per minute - faster than my pen will go, that's for sure and much neater - my penmanship is shocking!  God Bless You Papa, but I really reckon that I should have been a lefty!

Life is an interesting journey and I am thankful for all the turns in the roads that mine has taken and flights through the sky.  I am thankful for the present because each day is a gift and we should endeavour to live it to its fullest.  Only God knows when our number will be up.

Music is an awesome tool that God uses to encourage us and I love how songs that I have sung and heard through the years still reasonates with me.  In fact, Salvation Army Music was and remains my foundation and I was reminded of the Man Mark II Musical which was premiered at the Second International Youth Congress, Macomb, Illinois, USA, Sunday, 21 July 1985 and the song "The New Humanity" often plays in my mind, reminding me that I am God's representative and as the lyrics remind me, I want to show others God's love and mercy.  I need to give myself some, too; particularly when I am going through the rough patch.

As God's picked representatives of the new humanity,

Purified and beloved of Him,

As God's picked representatives of the new humanity,

Purified and beloved of Him.

Be merciful in action, Be kindly in heart,

Be humble in mind

And above everything else

Be loving, be truly loving.

As God's picked representatives of the new humanity,

Purified and be lived of Him.