Thursday, February 13, 2020

Why I Am Struggling With My Sleep......

Hi all,

Thanks for reading this post.  This article is in direct response to my recent post on Facebook about my struggling with insomnia - not being able to sleep.

First, thanks to everyone for your thoughts and suggestions about how I can fall to sleep easier and to find out what is the reason that is keeping me awake.

How much time do you have?  I will endeavour to keep my article brief.  So, Peter (my husband of 17 years in case you are new to following my blog or me on Facebook) and I went on a holiday in January which started in Perth, Western Australia (WA) and then we boarded the Sun Princess cruise ship a couple days later in Freemantle, WA for a four night cruise to Albany, WA and back.  Brilliant cruise but more on that in another post.  We returned to Perth for a couple of days and then flew to Brisbane to spend time visiting family and friends.

Our time in Brisbane started out brilliantly after arriving in the early hours of Tuesday, 14 January and we had our itinerary mapped out; the schedule came together perfectly while we were still in Perth.  On Friday, 17 January we left our friends place in Scarborough (north suburb of Brisbane) and drove to our old camping ground - Western Suburbs of Brisbane and had a lovely bite to eat at Dinmore Cottage Tea House (thanks Lindy) and headed to a friend's place where we were going to have dinner and fellowship and spend the night.

Me on the Motorcycle

This is where our plans changed and no, not intentionally.  Our friend had recently got a new 3-wheel motorcycle and Peter took it for a spin up and down the driveway and then it was my turn.  I was given the safety briefing of where the brake was, how to put it into reverse, worked out the steering and learned how to operate the accelerator on the handle bar grip.  I navigated the driveway two times very safely and slowly and had fun doing so I might add.  It was time to get off the motorcycle so that it could be parked in the garage and get on with our evening activities.  Nah--change of plan much to my disgust.  I had navigated the motorcycle so well, so how hard could getting off be, right?

For a sound minded person getting off the motorcycle should have been a piece of cake, but unfortunately, I am still recovering from symptoms of contextual anxiety (if you are not familiar with my story over the past almost 5 years, please refer to a couple of my YouTube videos - Elephants.....Any In Your Room? and Summary of My Story April 2015 to April 2018) and when I engaged the accelerator on the handle bar grip inadvertently as I was in the process of disembarking, I absolutely panicked and blacked out before I even knew what was going to happen.  The next thing I recall is waking up in the back of an ambulance on the way to a hospital to be thoroughly checked out.

Nope, not the night's activities I was hoping for - a far cry from a night of dinner and fellowship.  So, the motorcycle was stopped when it reached the wall of my friend's house and I landed on the ground and knocked my head around pretty badly which required some stitches and I was treated for a concussion and sustained multiple bruises and lacerations on my right foot but nothing was broken, not even my new prescription eyeglasses.  God had His angels cushion my fall - there is no doubt in my mind.  My fall could have been so much worse.  No, I have not had my memory return from the accident and the rest of our scheduled itinerary did not go according to our original plan, but a very good friend of mine suggested I look for what I could learn from the accident.

Bruising coming up on my face

Lacerations on right foot - still healing
Bruising on right forearm

Now, I am going to be very transparent with my readers for a moment because often we are really good at giving advice to others but I know that I needed to learn a really valuable lesson in the midst of this unfortunate incident which upset our holiday.  I was really upset with my husband Peter (angry in fact) for his letting the accident occur.  Yep, you read that right - I was going down the blame game road, which was not going to take me anywhere good.  When stuff happens to us, and I could probably go so far as to add 'bad stuff', we do not go looking for people to thank, which is what we are taught to do when we receive nice gifts and good things.  There is so much more that I would like to share but I do want to keep the article brief to encourage people to read it.

My sleeps are still not fantastic but I believe they are starting to improve and yes, in the interim, this is partially due to medication and no, there is no shame in that.  We all have a different story and mine has been very topsy turvy for almost 5 years and the motorcycle accident reminded me that I am still healing emotionally, psychologically and even physically because I was not able to respond cognitively well enough or quick enough to what I perceived was a scary situation, so my body did the only thing it knew it could do to cope with what was going to happen -- black out, shut-off, lights out.  The very scary part of this mechanism is my husband Peter and friends were not able to get inside my head at the time to understand all of this and I was very quiet, too quiet for too long which made them worry.

My accident has allowed me to reflect a lot on how much I have to be thankful for.  No, my recovery has not been all good and I have felt very emotional and was very upset that I had to cancel a few get-togethers that we had scheduled and a trip to look at a boat we were considering buying. Then I felt a bit stir crazy after returning to Airlie Beach and suffered from cabin fever (stuck on our small boat) because of feeling sore and not confident on my feet and my balance.

I keep going back to what my friend has shared with me about looking for the positives from the accident and I believe that I have found many, but no, for the moment, that does not include good sleeps.